Wondering where all the media coverage of death row inmate Robert Pattinson (better known to his millions of fans as “R.Pattz”) is coming from? Well, let’s examine the evidence shall we?
It all started last year, when the Twilight star was arrested in London for allegedly throwing a hand grenade at a Parisian cab driver. He was later found guilty of criminal damage and sentenced to 90 days in prison. The whole thing was a publicity stunt organised by Pattinson’s management. Just kidding, he was actually sent to a higher-security prison because, well, you know, prisons get pretty boring when your fellow inmates are all, I don’t know, “death row” or whatever.
Is He In A State Of Mind Where He Could Be Guided By Death?
Since the release of his critically acclaimed new album ‘Anti’, Pattinson has been in somewhat of a reflective mood, talking publicly about death and his new-found appreciation for life. Let’s examine the evidence shall we?
The opening track from Anti – ‘Zero’ deals with the fleeting nature of life in vivid detail. Spoke to the Guardian about the song, Pattinson said: “The song is one of the most personal I’ve ever written, but it’s a warning shot across the bows of society in general. People are so absorbed in their devices that they’ve forgotten about the world around them.”
And it’s a theme that he returns to time and again throughout Anti. As well as making some very personal references to his life, the album is underpinned by a realisation that technology is changing the way we live and it can be both liberating and dangerous at the same time.
In the song ‘Happy Death Day’, which also features on the album, he muses: “There are worse things in life than death, but there are also better things. Like joy and loving. It’s up to us to make the most of our time on this earth.”
Again, this could just be a case of songwriting inspiration from a very good cup of coffee and a walk in the park. The fact that it’s coming from a man who’s spent much of the past year behind bars could be a telling sign that he’s in a state of mind where he could be guided by death.
Did He Really Throw A Grenade At A Taxi Driver?
Yes, yes, he did. According to reports, on January 30 this year, the Twilight actor was arrested in London for allegedly throwing a hand grenade at a Parisian cab driver. He was later found guilty of criminal damage and sentenced to 90 days in prison. The whole thing was a publicity stunt organised by Pattinson’s management.
The news story quotes an eyewitness as saying: “The grenade was thrown over the roof of the vehicle. Fortunately, nobody was hurt, except for the taxi driver’s pride.”
While we’re not suggesting that you throw grenades at taxis (especially not the expensive kind), the incident does serve as a reminder that no matter how famous or wealthy you are, you are still just another human being and you could always go to jail for the rest of your life. Which, in some cases, could be pretty long. Especially if you’re found guilty of criminal damage.
The Whole Parisian Cab Driver Conspiracy Looked More Like A Setup
Another story that emerged last year had to do with the Twilight star’s time in prison. According to an insider, while Pattinson was awaiting trial in April last year, he hatched a plan with a few other inmates to stage an escape. The plan involved the use of a fake gun inside a chocolate cake delivered to Pattinson’s cell. The star was then to gain access to a getaway car, which would be waiting outside the prison gates. As soon as he was released, he would continue on his way to Mexico, where he was going to start a new life. One that was, in some respects, a rekindling of his Hollywood days.
That’s the plan, as far as it went. Unfortunately for Pattinson, it didn’t go according to plan. The cake was inspected by prison officials and found to contain a real gun. Apparently, the celebrity had told the guards that he was a professional poker player and needed the gun for “practice”. They didn’t buy it.
Since When Is A Hand Grenade Associated With Poker?
While we’re sure that Pattinson has his reasons for wanting to live a more exciting life than a simple stint in a British prison, we still have to ask: since when is a hand grenade associated with poker?
In some cultures, playing cards with grenades is considered to be a very dangerous pastime. We’re not talking about just any old hand grenade here; we’re talking about the kind that must be pulled apart by hand, one piece at a time. The kind that only professional armourers typically handle. And it’s not just a coincidence that playing cards with grenades has been considered somewhat of a risky pastime since the Middle Ages.
As well as being treated as something of an oddity, cards with grenades were also considered extremely unlucky. The only people who would dare to play cards with grenades were criminals, because the cards themselves had to be smuggled in from outside. And if you got your hand blown off in the process, you were pretty much hosed. Not to mention the fact that it would be extremely difficult to find a decent card dealer within arm’s reach of a hospital room. We’re not sure whether to feel sorry for or worried about Pattinson.
Pattinson Wasn’t The Only One To Throw A Grenade At A Taxi Driver
We could go on and on with examples of celebrities who’ve been involved in violent incidents, but that would take far too long. Suffice to say, when it comes to throwing things at cars, vans, or anything with four wheels, celebrities aren’t the only ones who’ve done it. Police officers and car crash victims frequently throw things at the vehicles that they’ve come across on the road. Often, the things that they’re throwing are actually hand grenades. Because why not.
While we’d love to believe that celebrities are immune to all that is petty and boring, the fact is that they’re not. If you add Twitter and Instagram to the mix, you’ll see that they’re often guilty of exactly the same behaviour that the rest of us are guilty of.
So while we’re sure that R.Pattz isn’t at all responsible for the actions of this particular taxi driver, it’s still worth pointing out that he wasn’t the only one who engaged in hooliganism. The damage that this kind of behaviour causes isn’t just confined to cars either. Many a time, these things end up in the hands of children. Who then grow up convinced that throwing things at vehicles is the path to success. Sure, it’s usually a silly accident, but it still adds up.
His Fame And Fortune May Have Grown Him Immune To The Dangers Of Driving
When it comes to celebrity and the insane lengths that people will go to to be near them, we couldn’t write a better or more apt story than this one. A few months back, TMZ reported that fans were trying to rush the stage during an Ariana Grande concert in Tampa, Florida, in order to get a selfie with the pop star. Some were even climbing over each other in a bid to get their shot before the concert ended. Luckily, no one was seriously injured in the fiasco.
However, it’s not the first time that a celebrity has caused this kind of harm. Just last year, Justin Bieber was involved in a similar incident at London’s O2 Arena, where fans tried to rush the stage and grab a selfie with the singer. In that incident, more than 70 fans were detained and nine police officers were hurt in the melee. Bieber was not in attendance at the time, but the episode still weighed heavily on his mind. It wasn’t until after the incident that he apologised for what he’d done.
Has He Been Guided By Death This Whole Time?
It’s not just celebrities who’ve resorted to desperate measures in their bid to escape the bonds of society. Sometimes, even regular, law-abiding citizens get in on the act. Going against all that is expected of them, they do the most unexpected things in a desperate attempt to create the life that they desire. Some are driven by wealth while others are drawn to notoriety, but in the end, it’s usually the same story: they want to be free.