Welcome to Lighthouse Robert Pattinson Masterbation’s blog. Here you will find mostly erotic fiction and hopefully something to interest and excite you. The content is always a combination of raw sexuality and strong story lines. If you are a fan of the Twilight saga then you know more or less what to expect. If you are new to the erotic fiction world then give it a go and enjoy the stories. Be warned though, sometimes they can be a bit addictive. You might find yourself reading them after work hours and neglecting your social life.


The following is a collection of novels and short stories by the prolific British author, Robert Pattinson. They feature some of the most iconic characters and memorable scenes from the Twilight series. The novels were originally published between 2008 and 2012 and have since been reprinted multiple times. All of them are still available in print and the majority are also digital classics. Readers who have already exhausted the main story from Twilight should look for the novellas and short stories in this collection, as it includes alternative story lines and more humorous elements. It also contains three prequels that take place before the events of Twilight.


The Forest

The Forest is an erotic take on the Grimm’s fairytale, in which the handsome lumberjack, Jack, after saving a beautiful woman named Rebecca from the wolves, finds her to be the most intoxicating woman he has ever met. Told from Jack’s perspective, we follow their illicit love affair and witness the dark side of human nature through the eyes of a charming and sophisticated woodsman. This novella is among the best of the lot, not only due to its dark sense of humour and raunchy scenes, but also because of its smart and innovative storytelling technique. The Forest has been compared to Lady Chatterley’s Lover and even Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s The Gulag Archipelago, both of which are considered literary works of art, so consider yourself lucky to discover this piece. It is available in French, German, Italian, and Spanish. Fortunately, this is also the case for all of the other titles in this list. If you speak one of those languages, you can read The Forest in its original form.

Wolves & Sheep

Wolves & Sheep is a biting satire about the dark underbelly of the entertainment industry and how the business of showbiz preyed on the vulnerable, especially those who suffer from mental illness. It features some of the most recognizable faces in showbiz including Hugh Grant, Donald Sutherland, and Sir Roger Moore. Directed by Lasse Braun (The Flintstones), this comedic romp was released in 2009. Some of the content might be a bit too adult-oriented for younger audiences. In fact, this is one of the few stories in which violence and unsavoury acts are featured. Even so, this is still a light-hearted romp that will appeal to fans of the movies or sitcoms it spoofs. The story is told from the perspectives of a Hollywood agent, Jack, and a disgraced movie producer, Elliot. Elliot is struggling with writer’s block and Jack is bored with his job as an agent. During a party at Elliot’s house, they hatch a plot to ruin the movie career of an up-and-coming actor named Charlie, whose only claim to fame is that he is the grandson of Sir Roger Moore. The plan is to get Charlie to eat some fried sheep’s brains. You’ll have to read the story to find out what actually happens, but it is safe to assume that something fishy is going on and that a lot of inappropriate jokes are being told. While some may find the satire a bit over-the-top, it is still an extremely entertaining read. It is somewhat unusual for a satire to be this gleeful in nature, but if you have ever read any of Braun’s work, you will know exactly what to expect. If you appreciate good comedy, you will not miss out on this humorous yet very serious story.

The Dirty Half Dozen

The Dirty Half Dozen is essentially a collection of dark satires and fables about contemporary culture jumbled together in an amusing manner. It draws on the author’s real-life experiences as a filmmaker and his fascination with the modern world and its shifting roles, responsibilities, and definitions of what is considered normal behaviour. The book is told in the style of a traditional fairytale. It revolves around a band of ragtag desperadoes who, at first glance, seem like a group of regular guys trying to make it big in the music business. You’ll quickly learn that there is more than one layer to these characters and that they are anything but your typical band of yahoos. These are sophisticated men who have diverse interests and who often speak in metaphors and similes. The story is split into twelve chapters and although it is an omnibus, each section can be read and appreciated as a standalone. The Dirty Half Dozen is both hilarious and insightful, and its keen eye for corporate culture and the music industry make it a unique publication. Its memorable characters and snappy dialogue make it an easy read for anyone who enjoys a good story with more than one layer and a satire of contemporary culture.

The Sea

The Sea is the story of a man, Martin, who struggles with his marital infidelity. He is a successful and driven inventor who, after a bitter quarrel with his wife, Linda, runs off to Italy with his lover, Gaia. Gaia is a free-spirited beauty who is used to getting her own way, and she is not about to let Martin’s interference stand in the way of their passionate love affair. Martin becomes smitten with Gaia and is determined to make her his own. Unfortunately, Gaia has a mind of her own and decides that she wants to be with her man, Martin, not his invention.

Despite its mature subject matter, The Sea is an extremely romantic story about a man who fights for the love of his life. It is told in first person with frequent shifts in point of view. This allows the reader to delve into Gaia’s headspace and gain insight into her character and her way of thinking. Even if you are not a fan of science fiction, you should give this one a try. It is a swashbuckling tale filled with action, adventure, and a sense of romance.

The Lighthouse

The Lighthouse is a compelling novel about an unlikely group of miscreants, led by a charismatic but dangerous figure named Erik. They manage to pull off a bank robbery and, afterward, hatch a crazy scheme to traffic drugs. During a police chase that ensues, one of the robbers is killed. The rest of the crooks, in an effort to evade capture, decide to fake their deaths. They come up with the idea of faking their deaths aboard a deserted lighthouse on an island off the coast of Scotland. There, they will live as hermits, content to do as they please, while waiting for the drug trade to come back around. The plan seems ludicrous, but it has merit. The Lighthouse is a real page-turner and it is hard to put down once you get started. It was originally published in 2008 and was adapted into a film of the same name in 2019. The book is a finalist for the British Book Award and it has also been shortlisted for the Gold Medal at the Milan International Book Fair. The writing is fluid and natural, full of compelling characters and dramatic plot twists. Add to that some top-notch production values and you have a winning combination. The film, although it follows the book closely, is an incredible piece of work. The photography, costumes, and sets are all incredible and the performances are top notch. This is a well-deserved adaptation and it is clear that a lot of heart and thought went into this version. If you are looking for a crime caper that will keep you hooked until the very end, give The Lighthouse a try. As the saying goes, the more the merrier. Unfortunately, not all of the characters in this story are welcome. This story is definitely not for the faint-hearted. If you live your life by the ideals of peace, love, and happiness, you may find the story a little too much to handle.