It was early 2018 when news outlets started reporting that Rob Pattinson was planning to get married. The on-again, off-again couple had been dating for a while and had even set a wedding date (which they later postponed). As one of England’s most eligible bachelors and a member of the nobility, it was only a matter of time before Rob got himself a bride. Celebrities and their wealthy families often use wedding planning as a ploy to keep their children (and their children’s children) out of the press. But for those of us on the outside looking in, it was refreshing to see such a genuine proposal.
As a person who has been hitched once myself, I can understand why these two lovebirds wanted to take the plunge. The question is – how do you decide to “wedlock” when you haven’t even considered dating or talking about marriage? After all, most of us were brought up to believe that marriage is a “done deal” once you’ve said “I do.” Turns out, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
It’s a myth that marriage is a “done deal.” As more and more couples delay marriage, there’s a rising trend of singletons – single people who have never been married. According to a recent survey conducted by OneOpinion, 44% of respondents were raised in a single-parent household, while 28% were told by their parents that they would never marry. For those who were fortunate enough to be born into a two-parent household, only 26% were planning on getting hitched in the future.
Although many people fear that being alone for the rest of their life is one of the worst possible consequences of growing up in a single-parent household, the reality is that it’s quite the opposite. According to a report by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 72% of Americans said they were satisfied with their choice of partner, while 18% were only partially satisfied. Moreover, 71% of respondents were planning to wed a person they were satisfied with, while 22% wanted to wed someone they considered “perfect.” It seems that while many people are happy with their life choices, they still want to find that special someone to share it with.
Is This the Right Time?
Before you begin your wedding planning process, it is important to consider the practicalities of the situation. Are you both ready to settle down and start a family? Is your partner’s previous relationship status relevant to whether or not you will wed? Is the economy in a better place than when you started your search for a partner? These are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself before making a decision. More importantly, be honest with yourself about the answers. In my opinion, you should not rush into any kind of commitment, whether it’s marriage or any other type of partnership. Rushing into a relationship can often lead to a lot of frustration and heartache down the line. Take your time and be certain about what you want from life before making a decision.
On the subject of personal finances, it is also important to do your research and learn as much as you can about your partner’s income and expenses. You don’t want to get married only to discover that your finance counselor doesn’t give good advice or that your partner is secretly hiding financial information from you.
How Does Your Partner’s Parent(s) Feel About Your Relationship?
It is also essential to consider how your partner’s parents feel about your relationship. You don’t want to hurt or upset the people who raised you and love you, even if you believe they have nothing to do with the matter. This is a decision that you and your partner need to make, and it’s important that you both be on the same page with regards to how their parents feel, and what they think of your engagement.
There are many aspects to this question, so take your time thinking it through. Does your partner’s father like you and is he willing to give his blessing and attend the wedding? Does your partner’s mother like you and is she willing to attend the wedding? What about your partner’s siblings? Do any of them like you and are they willing to attend the wedding? You should try to get an idea of how all of their family members feel about the match. This will help you to plan the event, knowing that the support of their loved ones is something that you can bank on, no matter what. Don’t forget – no matter what, they will be there for you. That is a given. You may also want to ask yourself – is any of your partner’s family members more suitable to be your partner’s parents than his/her own parents? The answer to this question will help you to decide if you want an outsider or an insider to represent you in wedding photos.
Do You Have Any Unfinished Business?
Another thing you need to consider before taking the plunge is whether or not you have any unfinished business. You may have felt that you were missing out on something before, and now that you’re with the right person, you want to commit to each other. However, the fact is that you may still have some deep-rooted feelings that you have to work through. For example, did you enter the relationship with the intention of filling a void, or did you enter it wanting to be friends? There are couples who meet online and decide to shack up, only to discover that they clash in almost every way imaginable. One partner wants to focus on their career, while the other wants to settle down and start a family. As you might imagine, this can lead to a lot of unhappiness, and perhaps even feelings of self-loathing. You need to be honest with yourself about these kinds of questions. It is also important to acknowledge that you may have different priorities, and that is something to consider, as you plan your wedding.
Another important question to ask yourself is – will this be a fresh start for you, or will you be bringing something to the table? This is a question you need to ask yourself, not just about marriage, but about any new relationship you’re entering. You can’t change the fact that you’re an interesting and unique person, and that is something to be proud of, but it also means there is plenty of room for you to grow and develop, so long as you don’t grow apart. Be open to new experiences and opportunities and remember that you deserve to be happy, even if you didn’t realize it until now.
How Does (Your)Family Feel About Your Partner?
Another family-related question you need to ask yourself is – how does (your)family feel about your partner? Does (your)mother like (your)partner and is she willing to attend the wedding? Does (your)father like (your)partner and is he willing to attend the wedding? What about your siblings? Do any of them like (your)partner and are they willing to attend the wedding? These are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself, but it is also important to get an idea of how your family feels about your fiance or wife-to-be. You don’t want to hurt or upset anyone, even if you believe they have nothing to do with the matter. It is also important to know how they feel about the engagement, so you can plan the wedding, event as best as possible, knowing that their support is something you can bank on, no matter what. More importantly, it is important to be sure that they feel proud of you, even if you don’t feel like you deserve it yet, because that is something you will learn to your benefit, as you grow older. Think about the questions you need answered and the people you need to ask. You will not be able to answer all of these questions easily, so be sure to take your time and don’t rush into any kind of commitment, whether it is marriage or any other type of partnership. Take your time and be certain about what you want from life before making a decision.