It was only a matter of time before the curse of the Batman movie franchise hit Robert Pattinson. After months of speculation and a few tearful appearances, it’s been confirmed that the Twilight star has officially bailed on playing the superhero.
While Pattinson was a fantastic choice to play a vampire in the movie franchise (seriously, his scenes made me genuinely believe in the romantic plotline of Twilight), he seems like the wrong choice for Batman. On the surface, his boyish charm and aloof attitude make him seem like a good fit for the Dark Knight. But it’s actually the complete opposite. For one thing, Batman is known for being a very hands-on type of superhero; he practically invented crime fighting. Second, Batman has way more on his mind than just helping out the helpless. He’s a thinker, a strategist, and rarely (if ever) takes a day off crime-fighting. Third, don’t forget about the Robinsons: Bruce’s nephews, who carry on the family tradition of being superheroes. Now that Pattinson has officially signed on to play one of the coolest characters ever, it would be a shame for a part of his life to be taken away from him. Not to mention the millions of fans who were desperate to see him play Batman. It’s bad enough that these flicks make so much money without having the main character end up becoming a literal caricature of himself.
Why Robert Pattinson Is The Wrong Choice For Batman
Let’s examine each of the points above and how they relate to Robert Pattinson as Batman.
He’s Too Young To Play Batman
Yes, age is no object when it comes to film. At least, not when it comes to superheroes. Batman’s prime years were from 30 to 40, so he’s clearly within the acceptable age range for the role. But even then, it’s questionable whether or not Pattinson has the physicality needed to pull off a hunchback with armpit hair. A good portion of the Batman franchise was filmed before 3D technology was even a thing. So it’s safe to assume that most of his scenes will look slightly blurry and have an odd dimension to them. Not to mention that the Dark Knight doesn’t exactly walk around in a cloud of gas, so there’s no avoiding the fact that you’ll need to learn to cough respectfully.
He Has No Real Life Experience
Like most of his generation, Robert Pattinson has never really had to worry about crime or war. Unlike many of his peers, he also doesn’t have a huge fortune to fall back on. At least not yet. Because he doesn’t have any life experience, it’s probably not the best choice to put him in a situation where he has to fight for survival. In the comics, Batman has even been known to struggle with addiction. So it would be fair to say that although his life may be sheltered, he’s definitely not invincible. And that’s what’s important to play.
He Has No Sense Of Humor
In the eyes of many Twilighters (and even non-Twilighters), Robert Pattinson embodies the perfect blend of strength and gentleness. While it’s impossible to deny his acting talents, it’s important to keep in mind that he was given this role because he’s a superstar. It would be extremely unprofessional for him to completely ditch the character simply because it wasn’t written in his personal honor. Much like with any other part, he’ll have to find a way to make it work for him. And that means learning to inject some humor where it’s needed.
He Doesn’t Even Own A Bat-Signal
I don’t think we need to tell you that the signal function on a Bat-phone is crucial. It’s one of the main reasons why the Dark Knight wears a utility belt filled with gadgets. In the comics, Batman even has an entire room of his house dedicated to his ‘collection’ of toys and gadgets. Needless to say, without a working Bat-signal, the Dark Knight’s tactics are rather limited. In order to get help from allies, he has to either shout at the top of his lungs or text them from a particularly long number. Neither of which is very practical when you’re trying to save someone’s life. Especially since the person you’re trying to save may not even own a cell phone.
He’s Not Into Fashion
This one might seem obvious, but it bears repeating: Fashion is important to play. From Christopher Nolan’s dark looks to Tim Burton’s funny and frumpy suits, the fashion choices of the iconic Batman are as varied as his enemies. And that’s what makes it so much fun to watch him dress up as his favorite comic book character. For instance, take a look at this video of Kate Winslet as the beautiful and terrifying Harley Quinn:
It’s clear that Robert Pattinson would never intentionally play up his ‘barbie’ image. Although he seems like the kind of guy who would dress up as a doll all day long, it’s important to remember that he’s a grown-ass man playing a character. Sure, it’s flattering that so many people think he looks cool as shit in a tutu, but it’s also important to keep in mind that the character he’s playing is supposed to be a scary motherfucker. Fashion is what makes him scary, not the fact that he’s wearing a tutu.
He Doesn’t Care About Acting
One of the reasons why Robert Pattinson was so keen on joining the cast of Twilight was because it was a role that allowed him to completely immerse himself in a new world. In this case, the world of vampires and werewolves. It’s fair to say that he didn’t exactly have to stretch his acting muscles with this one. After all, being turned into a werewolf for Twilight was practically a given. But even then, there was still plenty for him to do. From being on his toes at all times to having to refrain from eating garlic, it was clear that he was going to be required to put in some work. And that was what made this character so much fun to watch. Even though he played a vampire in Twilight, he still managed to give it his all, and it showed.
As you can probably tell, we love Rob so much that we’re not even close to being objective when it comes to his role as a superhero. It’s not that he’s not capable of being Batman. He’s a great choice, actually. But the character is just not meant for him. Being Batman is all he’s ever known, and it would be a shame for that to change. Maybe one day, he’ll grow out of his shell and surprise us all.