Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to present you with the most infamous celebrity break-up in history!

You may well know that for years, America has been unable to hold an election. Thanks to the shenanigans of a few very wealthy individuals who couldn’t stand the thought of a black person or a woman being president, we’ve been deprived of this wonderful milestone in American history. Well, times have changed. We now have a female president who is truly committed to equality, and although she may not yet have fixed the problem, she’s at least trying. And, for the first time in American history, an entire city has chosen to boycott the election because they don’t want to see a Trump presidency.

But enough about politics. Let’s get down to the important part: the break-up. In case you don’t know, a celebrity break-up is when one partner in a romantic relationship splits off with the other. Or, in other words, when one of the most eligible bachelors in the world decides he doesn’t want to be with the woman he loves anymore. In the case of comedy legend Larry David and Olympic medalist Piccolo Roberts, it was all a joke. Larry invented the entire thing to make fun of people who are easily offended by humor. In his words, “A joke is a joke, but sometimes you tell a joke and it turns out to be true.”

However, these jokes sometimes have consequences. In 2010, when Rupert Sanders left Katy Perry after just four years of being together, it was reported that they would never speak again (even though they have since tried to maintain their amicable relationship). In 2013, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker announced they were breaking up after 21 years of being together. In 2016, there was a brief split between Emily and Marjorie Merriweather Post after Emily’s mother passed away, but they both agreed to put their differences aside to honor her memory. And, most shockingly, there was the infamous Tiger Woods scandal in the early 2000s which completely destroyed his marriage and career. So, it’s fair to say that these things aren’t funny any more. Especially since the stakes have been raised so much now that the press is watching with glee as these rich and powerful men throw themselves at every woman they meet. Or, at least, that’s what we assume. We don’t actually know why Tiger Woods cheated because the whole thing was kept very hush-hush, but we do know that when it comes to infidelity, men in power buy expensive gifts for their mistresses (and even make big donations to charity so that their indiscretions don’t become public), while women often turn to prostitution to support themselves financially (especially since illegal prostitution isn’t as widely practiced anymore). This begs the question: are these scandals just a result of bad behavior or is there something deeper going on?

Thankfully, there is still kindness and honor among celebrities as we’ve seen with the aforementioned couples, but there is also a lot of infighting. In 2015, it was reported that half of all famous couples have been together for only two years and that only two out of ten long-term celebrity relationships last more than ten years. It seems that when people get famous and have lots of money and power, they don’t necessarily value the relationships they form with their family and loved ones any more. Like Jay Z and Beyoncé, who’ve been together for over a decade and have a record-breaking five children together, or George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin, who’ve been married for over a year and have a daughter, Ella Bleu. The fact is that the world of celebrity is full of infighting, backstabbing, and family members going behind each other’s backs, and it’s not often that these things are fair or kind. But it does happen. Sometimes it takes a little while to work through your problems, but eventually you have to acknowledge that someone else is hurting you more than helping you, and it’s time to say goodbye.

Why Does It Hurt So Much When Someone You Love Breaks Up With You?

It’s not easy to find love in this world. It’s even harder to find it among famous people. And, for whatever reason, it seems that many famous people are unable to find love in the same way other people can. What is it that makes some people fit for love and some people not? And is there something that you can do to make the person you love appreciate you more?

In the pages that follow, I will attempt to answer these questions. First, let’s take a look at the traits that make up a ‘perfect’ romantic partner.

According to science, there are eight characteristics that you need in order to be in a healthy relationship. They are:

  • Trust
  • Honor
  • Caring
  • Communication
  • Non-Judgmental
  • Achievement
  • Intellect
  • Attention to Detail

Now, I’m not saying that you need to be perfect to deserve respect. Far from it. But, if you’re going to be with someone, you might as well be with someone who is perfect because, statistically speaking, that’s how you’ll end up. And, as they say, statistics can be misleading but in this case they’re not. These qualities aren’t easy to find, especially when you’re searching among the many options that life has to offer. But, if you’re looking for a fairytale, you might as well settle for happy endings.

Why Do Some Celebrities End Up Lonely While Others End Up Together?

It’s no secret that Hollywood celebrities live a life of luxury and privilege that most people can only dream about. And, for the most part, they like what they see. After all, they’re often presented with beautiful women who are almost willing to sleep with them just to be in a famous movie or be on a magazine cover. It’s no wonder that many Hollywood celebrities get lonely, and not just a little bit. It’s been said that if you’re in Hollywood and you don’t have a girlfriend, then you either a) haven’t been lucky in love or b) you’re not really trying. And, truth be told, it’s usually a combination of both. To give you some perspective on how much Hollywood celebrities hate being alone, take a look at this hilarious tweet by Larry David:

“I’m 68, single, and proud of it. Who cares what anyone thinks. I’ve always been lucky in love and I always will be. Until I fall in love with someone who understands my humor and likes my kids as much as I do.”

Now, it’s important to note that not all lonely celebrities are unhappy or dysfunctional. Some are completely content living their lives, being by themselves, and avoiding all drama. The difference is that, in general, they don’t end up settling for less than they deserve. And that, my friends, is the mark of a truly happy and functional relationship.

What Makes For A Happy And Functioning Relationship?

So, you’re probably wondering what makes for a happy and functioning relationship. And, frankly, it’s a combination of things. Like most areas of life, happiness depends on a lot of circumstances. But, here are some of the things that you need in order to settle for nothing less than perfect:

First of all, you need to find someone who is kind. A lot of people try to play it cool and avoid all conflict, but that’s no way to live. You need to be with someone who is going to stand up for you and fight for you, especially since so much drama often finds its way to your front door. There is nothing more painful than being with someone who doesn’t understand your needs and is constantly putting you down. That’s no way to live. On the other hand, there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who is strong, confident, and protective. Women often complain that most men don’t understand them or their needs, but that’s what they want. Strong, confident men who are willing to fight for them and make them feel protected and cherished.

Next, you need to find someone who cares. This is perhaps the most important characteristic to have in a relationship. If you don’t feel like you’re being cared for, then you’re going to struggle with a lot of issues, both big and small. If you’re with someone who doesn’t care about you or your feelings, then they’re not worth it. On the other hand, if you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, then someone who cares about you might just be the answer to your prayers.