I know what you’re thinking… Vampire fashion is all the rage at the moment, and we couldn’t escape it this year. Facebook and Instagram are filled with photos of fans dressing up as their favorite monster and celebrating Halloween with style.

But while the fashion is fun and festive, the content of these platforms can be rather disturbing.

That’s why we’re here. To separate the fashion from the fantasy, to look at the darker side of this trendy lifestyle. We’re going to tell you the truth about being a vampire, including some details about the royal family.

The Luxury Of Being A Vampire

If you’ve been following our channel, you’ll know that we usually dedicate one of our shows to the topic of luxury. What is it about being a vampire that makes them so special? Why do they deserve special treatment?

Well, let’s start with the basics. First of all, vampires are very unique creatures, made up of several distinctive features. They have fangs, which are used for injecting venom into their victims. Their large, bat-like ears help them to hear stealthily and hunt in the dark. And their extraordinary strength allows them to rip open heavy clothing and tear off metal objects.

So, as you can see, vampires are definitely not your ordinary Joe Blow. And the fact that they’re so different makes them more appealing and desirable. You know, the old saying “opposites attract”? It’s very true when applied to vampires.

Alluring And Seductive

Even though vampires are generally depicted as being ugly and frightening, they’re actually very attractive. Mostly because of their long, flowing locks and their unique charm. When an unsuspecting person walks into a room full of vampires, he or she will inevitably feel a strong sense of attraction and want to join in the fun.

Here’s where the seduction comes in. Vampire society is organized into houses that operate like a club. Within these houses, vampires gather each week to drink human blood and to commune with each other. They are deeply connected to their communities and devote much of their time to helping others. So, one of the ways they show their status is by getting someone to join their club. The more members they have, the more important and exclusive their group becomes. It’s all about perception and ego in the vampire world.

Where Do You Get Your Blood?

Besides, let’s face facts. At the end of the day, vampires are still just people. With the same needs as the rest of us. The most essential need, in fact, is blood. To survive. And you know what? The supply can be incredibly hard to come by. Especially if you want high-quality wine. So, as you can see, the need for blood is quite real. Especially since vampires are such a rare species.

Thankfully, we have a solution for this. We have a new species that can provide the blood that our society needs. More and more people are choosing to become vampiric, due to the increasing scarcity of human blood. The rise of the digital nomad has led to a rise in interest in this lifestyle. And it’s not just about the blood… There’s also the lifestyle. The fact that you become a vampire means you can travel the world and live in luxury. There’s lots of money to be made in the digital nomad community.

Is This A One-Night Stand?

In addition to getting your blood replaced, another essential element of being a vampire is preventing yourself from getting too attached to your “fairer” half. Because, you know, once you’ve tasted blood, it’s very difficult to resist the allure of human flesh. Especially when it’s so easy to get. This is why most vampires avoid relationships, especially marriages, with other creatures. Marrying a human being will only dilute the blood you need to survive. It’s all about self-control and discipline. And that’s a hard concept to master.

The Evolution Of Vampires

Now, let’s examine the evolution of vampires. Because, you know, evolution is always a good thing. Especially when it comes to keeping you alive.

You see, as time went on, the bloodsuckers evolved. And they kept getting smarter. First of all, they started wearing masks. These masks hide their teeth and prevent them from being seen by humans. They also use tricks, like fire exits and sprinklers, to trick humans into thinking that they’re a statue or a puppet. And the most sophisticated ones even start conversations, so that they can manipulate humans into parting with their blood!

So, what’s next? Well, they use drugs, alcohol, and even electricity to stay alive. Some even use magnets to draw iron objects to them, which increases their strength. And don’t ask me how I know this… I’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen vamps bring in big-game hunters because they couldn’t resist the allure of human flesh. So, if you’re reading this, I recommend you avoid going out at night. Because, it’s already dark when you get up. And when it gets dark, you’re an easy target. Especially if you go outside, where there are no lights. And also, don’t go anywhere near a swimming pool. Or lake. These are the places where most people hide their dogs. And when you have a dog… You’re dead.

The Queen Of Vampires

But let’s get back to reality for a moment. Although, it’s great to think about all these possibilities, at the end of the day, they’re just stories. Fairytales, if you will. There’s no such thing as a perfect, flawless vampire. Because, for one thing, they can’t exist. And for another thing, if they did, they wouldn’t last long. Because they can’t stand the luxury of being a vampire. 

Now, let’s examine the role of royalty in vampire society. Because, for a long time, it was only men who got to enjoy this lifestyle. And the women were used as breeding stock. To produce more vampires. This is why, historically, vampires have been considered a manly thing. Although, now it’s definitely an acceptable, fashionable choice for women, too.

Even today, being a vampire is mostly associated with men. Especially since the community is so opposed to women participating in this lifestyle. Women are considered weak and lesser creatures. Who wouldn’t dare challenge the God-given right of men to rule!?!? Especially since men are stronger and better equipped to deal with the threat of vampires!?!?

So, if a woman decides to become a vampire, she must endure a strict, male-dominated community that despises her very existence. And all because she wants to be like a man. Strong. Independent. Free. These are the same values that our society encourages men to be. But what happens when these values clash? When these strong, independent women try to join the club, it’s often at the expense of their emotional wellbeing. Some even experience severe depression. Because they can’t understand why being a woman gets in the way of them becoming one with the vampiric family.

This is why I strongly advise newbies to avoid this lifestyle. It’s not very welcoming. Or fair. I’m sure there are many wonderful, accepting communities out there. But, until then, I’d avoid all social media, especially if you’re looking to date. Or form any kind of long-term, committed relationship. These monsters may not be worth your time. Or what’s left of it, if you happen to wake up one morning, and realize you’ve turned into a vampire.

So, there you have it. The truth about being a vampire. From a creature’s perspective, at least. Now that you know the truth, you might be more inclined to accept this lifestyle. Which I’m sure the great T.V. Show, True Blood, had nothing to do with it.