When Robert Pattinson came out as a proud member of the Anglican Church, we were totally caught off-guard. The handsome actor, best known for his role in the Twilight film series, always gave the impression of being a spiritual man who cared deeply for nature and animals.

But, as it turns out, his religious beliefs didn’t stop him from indulging in some pretty wicked vices. According to a new report in the Sun, Pattinson has been traveling to Thailand for the last two years to buy illegal drugs. He reportedly spent a total of £120,000 on crystal meth, ecstasy, and ketamine over the course of those two years. As a result, he underwent a painful transformation that affected both his physical and mental health, and nearly cost him his life.

Let’s take a look at how Robert Pattinson went from being hailed as one of the most attractive men in the world to being seen as nothing more than an ugly, drug-addicted wreck:

The Church-Going Actor Started Attending Services Regularly

It all started back in 2014 when Pattinson was photographed leaving an unidentified church in London. At the time, he was sporting a rather long and braided hairstyle, which he’s worn ever since.

We couldn’t help but notice that he looked different. Apart from just looking a little more mature, it was clear that something was up. So when The Guardian’s film writer, Polly McLean, revealed that the 28-year-old was a member of the Church of England, we were, at the very least, mildly disappointed. Was he leaving the faith, or had he maybe found a new religion?

Well, it turns out that he’d been attending services regularly. According to McLean, who spoke to the Archbishop of Canterbury for an article about the actor, he had been going to church to “help with his depression,” and felt that it had helped him cope with the pressures of his fame. But, despite all of this help, it seems like Robert still wasn’t happy. He reportedly started to feel guilty about the kind of person he had become, and started to binge-eat and drink to try and turn back time. His drinking and drug use were so severe that his family started to get worried, and eventually, he was forced to enter rehab.

He Was On The Verge Of Completing A Dangerous And Painful Transformation

When Pattinson was released from rehab, he looked a little better, but was still extremely skinny and almost unrecognizable. The alcohol and drug addiction had taken a serious toll on him, and it showed. There were reports that he had struggled with depression and self-loathing, and was considering ending his life. Thankfully, he found the will to fight back against his demons, and worked hard to get his body back into shape.

After spending more than a year in Thailand training with a personal trainer, he was finally ready to show the world the transformation that he’d been working hard to achieve. And, oh man, was he ever proud to show it off. Pattinson appeared at the 2016 AmfAR Gala, where he was wearing a daring yellow dress that showcased his toned and fit body. Many praised him for the bold fashion choice, but some pointed out that the dress didn’t suit him very well. It was a little too daring for his thin frame.

Pattinson wasn’t just hiding from the paparazzi; he had a lot to hide. Not only was he dealing with serious depression and self-loathing, but he was also on the verge of completing a dangerous and painful transformation. The abuse he had suffered as a teen had left him with lasting physical traumas that were only visible under the skin. It seems that being a “vampire” in the film series had taken its toll. The Sun reports that he had struggled with alcohol addiction and that the pressures of fame had led him to consider suicide. To find out more about suicide prevention, please visit the SAC (Suicide Awareness Canada) website or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-866-789-3868.

What Will The Future Of Pattinson’s Career Look Like?

Robert Pattinson’s life definitely has a lot of highs and lows, but the lows seem to be a little further apart. Since he began working with a personal trainer, he’s managed to keep his body in pretty good shape. And, at least for the moment, his professional career seems to be holding up okay. He still hasn’t shown any signs of wanting to end his life as he’s so happy with what he’s accomplished, and continues to work hard on developing his talent. He’s released two music videos this year alone, showing off his amazing voice, and we can’t wait to see what he does next.

So, while it’s heartbreaking to see such a pretty face destroyed by addiction, it’s also pretty inspiring to see how far he’s come from such a low point. And that’s something to be really proud of.