Ever wonder what it’s like to date a Hollywood superstar? Wonder no more. Thanks to this week’s cover story in the New York Times Magazine, we now know exactly what it’s like to be the girlfriend of Robert Pattinson. But it turns out that being his girlfriend isn’t as glamorous as it seems. A lot of bitchiness is involved. Let’s take a look, shall we?
She’s An Anorexic Bitch
It’s hard for anyone to admit that they’re anorexic, especially the beautiful people who are used to getting their every whim catered to. But ex-girlfriend Kristen Stewart has finally gone public about her eating disorder, which she suffered from for years. It was apparently so bad that her mom once had to fill her in on what foods were considered healthy during her hospital stay for kidney transplant surgery. Let that be a lesson to all of us: never, ever judge a book by its cover. Beneath that gorgeous exterior is a dark, hidden side that we will never truly know. It’ll eat you alive. Forgive her for her trespasses; she has no control over her actions. That being said, she does deserve our sympathy because she is a very sick girl.
Money Can’t Buy You Happiness
The rich and famous are a pretty cool catch, but they can’t buy you happiness, as they say. Although Kristen Stewart seems pretty content with her life, it’s clear that she’s still angry about being cheated on by her band mate Russell Brand. Thanks to Vanity Fair’s 2015 list of the world’s most powerful people, which ranks the Top 100 most influential individuals, we know that Kristen Stewart is currently #71 on the list. So, she probably isn’t too happy with Brand that she’d ever agree to be with him again. But money can’t buy you happiness either, especially when you’re as pretty and talented as Kris.
She Throws Tantrums
It’s one thing to have a tantrum here and there, but it’s another thing entirely when you’re as famous as Kristen Stewart. She reportedly had a full-blown temper tantrum when paparazzi photographed her drinking alcohol at a bar in New York City. According to witnesses, Kristen screamed at the top of her lungs and threw a shoe at the glass window, breaking it. Luckily, no one was hurt. But it was an embarrassing scene for her, and she hasn’t been seen drinking alcohol since. What’s worse is that she doesn’t even drink in private, which kind of defeats the purpose of having a drink in the first place. Never trust a drunk person. Especially not a celebrity. They’ll pull some really embarrassing shit that’ll haunt them for the rest of their lives. Like Paris Hilton, who has been arrested dozens of times and once threw a drink at a photographer, after he asked her to take her top off. It’s always best to keep your distance from people like that.
She Has Sex With Just About Everyone
If you thought that only famous people had affairs, then you haven’t heard the latest. According to a report from The Daily Mail, Robert Pattinson has been sleeping with actress and singer Kate Beckinsale for over a year now. It was initially alleged that they had been having an affair for over a decade, which would make her his fifth wife. (He’s currently married to four other women, including actress Emma Watson.) Rumors like this make Kate’s reputation as slippery as ever. It seems like she has sex with just about everyone. The 51-year-old has been linked to Justin Timberlake, Andy Dick, and Charlie Sheen, to name just a few. It’s sickening to think about all of the men that she’s had sex with, and all the women that she’s influenced. It’s a veritable laundry list of famous people. That’s her power. She has slept with so many famous people that there’s no way for us to know them all. She’ll be famous for literally having sex with everyone. So, don’t expect to see her endorsing your product anytime soon.
So, there you have it. Kristen Stewart isn’t exactly the girl next door, but she’s definitely no angel. In fact, she might be the worst enemy to your relationship that you could ever have. But don’t worry; she’ll never be able to hurt you. Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can definitely help you avoid relationships with total bitches. (And that’s something to be grateful for.)