Rob, if you’re reading this, I hope you know how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me. The past year has not been easy, but it has been great. I love you. 

In the press room at the SAG Awards, a reporter asked me if I’m writing a book about my life. When I replied that I haven’t even thought about it, the journalist followed up by asking, “Are you really sure? Because it seems like something you’d write.” To which I responded, “Why does it seem like something I’d write? I don’t even know. Maybe because I’m a writer?”

That’s when things got really weird.

See, in addition to being an actress, photographer, and model, I’m also a writer. I’ve been writing since I was a kid and always imagined myself as a journalist or author. When the book proposal for Twilight came along, I thought it would be a great opportunity to finally put my writing skills to the test. I jumped at the chance and never looked back. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said no to interviews or speaking engagements because I’m too busy writing.

So you’d think, given all that, that I’d be over the moon about the success of Twilight and The Twilight Saga. But since then, things haven’t been easy. Between filming, travelling, and writing, I hardly have any time to myself. I’m constantly worried about the next project, the next speech, or the next appearance. I never know when I’ll have a free moment to myself. And I’m constantly being distracted by my phone, which I can’t even keep off my lap. It’s exhausting.

But as much as I’d like to complain, I won’t. Because I’ve been given the opportunity to put my thoughts into words and given the chance to clarify some things, I’m going to take it.

No Pressure

Before I get started, I just want to say that I’m not going to put any pressure on myself to write the next great American novel. Because there’s absolutely no way I could. I’m not famous enough, and frankly, I’m not that good.

I’m also not going to write another vampire story. I’m not a fan of horror films, so that kind of storytelling isn’t for me. I’m also not going to write a love letter to Rob either. I don’t love him enough to do that. And I’m certainly not going to write an advice book that sounds like it was ghostwritten by a man. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who can help with love life advice, so I don’t need to add to the pile.

The ‘Yes’ Woman

When I finally decided to say yes to interviews and appearances, I told myself: This is a learning process. You’re going to have to get used to talking to journalists and meeting new people. You’ve never spoken to a journalist or presented a public lecture before. So you’re going to have to do it differently. You cannot believe how many people will come at you with questions, and you will have to have answers. You cannot react how you normally would because this is not normal. This is you talking to someone you’ve never spoken to before, someone you’ve only ever seen on television or in a movie. So you will have to behave differently. You cannot rush this process. And you have to be polite but firm. A lot of people do not have good experiences when it comes to dealing with the press, and you do not want to be the one who makes that impression. You cannot expect the journalist to understand your situation, so you have to make sure that they understand your boundaries. And you cannot look like you’re trying to hard. You’re an adult. You’re not a child. You’re not obligated to impress anyone with how grown up you are.

I told myself all of that, and I tried my best to remember it. Especially when I got my first major article in Vogue Italia. Everything felt so overwhelming – from walking into the room to be interviewed to talking to the person who wrote the story. The more I got used to it, the more I realized that it was not that big of a deal. Sure, there was a lot of pressure, but I could handle it. And I did handle it.

The Media Attention

I know it’s not easy to get a big publication like Vogue Italia to notice you, let alone interview you. Especially when you’re not that famous yet. There were dozens of other journalists in the same hotel for the same event, and they all knew who I was. I was sure that they all thought I was boring, predictable, and mundane. Only a few days later, I was in another hotel across the country, and the very same thing happened. The same kind of attention, but this time, even bigger and better. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this is what I want. This is why I constantly say yes to interviews and appearances. Because it’s not always going to be like this. And it’s awesome when it is. But it’s not always going to be like this. And when it isn’t, I’m going to have to work a little bit harder to get my attention back. If I want to continue to have this kind of life, it’s all going to have to come with a price. I’m not going to be able to focus on anything else, and I’m going to have to work much harder.

The Self-Awareness

One of the things I’ve learned over the past year is how much I appreciate my privacy. I don’t like being in the spotlight, and I certainly don’t need it. I’ve always felt a bit uneasy in my own company, and I’ve had trouble believing that people care about me and my feelings. But lately, I’ve started to realize just how wrong I was. People who I thought didn’t care, actually care. More importantly, I’ve started to think a lot about myself and my value as a person. I’ve started to value my time and my life, and I’ve started to value my privacy.

I’ve been so focused on my career that I haven’t even appreciated what a great friend Rob is. Even when we were kids, we were always there for each other. We would fight, then we would make up. Even when we were teenagers, we would have long talks about life and whatever was going on. If there was a problem at school, we would talk about it. If there was a boy that I liked, I would tell Rob. Or if there was a boy that Rob liked, I would tell him. We always found a way to stay connected. Even when I was in Australia for a movie, we were still in touch. I would call him every other day, and he would always ask me how I was doing. Even when I was away, he would send me pictures of kittens.

But over the past year, I’ve started to value my time and my privacy more than ever. I’ve been working hard, putting in hours that I didn’t even know I had. I’ve been traveling, seeing new places and meeting new people. But I’ve also been thinking a lot about myself, my work, and how I can make the most of my time. I want to enjoy my life and make the most of the opportunities that come my way. Because I know that these opportunities don’t come around very often. So I’ve gotten a bit of a head of myself and am starting to enjoy my life a little bit more. I’ve started making my own decisions and taking control of my destiny. And I’m starting to believe that I can actually do this. That I can be happy, successful, and independent. And that I deserve to be all of those things.

Weddings And Children

I mentioned above that the past year has not been easy, and it hasn’t been just about my personal life. My film’s premiere was last year, and I’ve been working hard ever since. It was a busy time, and it’s been a lot of fun. But during that time, I got married to the love of my life and decided to become a mother. My son, Robert Pattinson Junior, was born in October. He’s a perfect little sparkle, and it was an amazing feeling being a part of his creation. Even now, I can’t believe how lucky I am that things turned out the way they did. It was surreal, walking down the aisle for the first time with my husband. And I cried like a baby. But then, I had to get back to work.