Kristen Stewart had one of the most amazing stories at the 2019 Oscars. The 24-year-old actress picked up three awards, including Best Actress for her role in the crime thriller, Joker. It was an incredible feat, becoming one of the most decorated actresses in Oscars history. But as wonderful as her performance was, there was something more extraordinary about Stewart’s night: she seemed more intoxicated than usual. Why? Because she had just accepted three awards, each of which required her to drink a lot of alcohol. Here’s the real reason behind Stewart’s strange behavior.

She Hasn’t Been Sleeping

It’s been a rough year for Stewart. In fact, it’s been a rough decade. The actress hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in a long time, which is probably why she was so intoxicated at the Oscars. Since 2011, the year The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 came out, Stewart hasn’t been able to get a good night’s sleep. That’s undoubtedly the reason behind her strange behavior on Sunday night. Not only did she have to watch three of her favorite films (The Lion KingStar Wars, and Joker) on the big screen, but she also had to contend with a lot of alcohol being served in front of her. All of this probably contributed to the fact that Stewart had to pull her punches a little bit more than usual.

Her Career Is On the Rise

If you asked most people on the street how they’d describe Stewart, they’d probably say: professional. Not only has she been acting for quite some time, but she also has an incredible amount of experience in front of and behind the cameras. In 2018, Stewart made her directing debut with the short film, Ma. It was a beautiful, heartfelt piece that chronicled the trials and tribulations of a young photographer navigating the ups and downs of being a professional. The short film didn’t get the attention of the mainstream media, but it won multiple awards, including the Grand Jury Award at the Sundance Film Festival. And just last year, Stewart took on the challenging role of Greta in the feature film, The Dead Tossers, a surreal horror-comedy about a group of zombie detectives who solve crimes. The movie was poorly received by critics, but it still did pretty well at the box office, making over a million dollars.

While Greta was undoubtedly a challenging role, Stewart says it was both demanding and deeply rewarding. And while she didn’t pick up any awards for her role in The Dead Tossers, she did win the Fans Favorite Actress award at the 2019 Scream Awards. So she’s definitely been working her magic. Now, if she can just get some real sleep…

The Stress Of The Awards

Back in 2018, the film The House With the Green Shutters explored the toll that winning an Oscar can take on an actor. The movie featured an unrecognized actress named Robin who, after winning an Oscar for her part in The House With the Green Shutters, begins acting strangely and eventually spirals into a deep depression. While the movie isn’t necessarily connected to Stewart’s personal life, it does bear a resemblance to her story. Just like Robin, Stewart had her moment in the spotlight and then promptly descended into a deep, dark depression. After accepting the Joker Oscar, Stewart expressed how overwhelmed she felt and how much it meant to her personally. “I’m just overwhelmed right now,” she said. “I feel like I can’t process this. I’m going to be fine, I promise. It’s just that when this happens, it’s not very easy to process.”

There’s also the issue of sleep to consider. Just think about it: how does one process an Oscar award and then go home and sleep? For most people, it would probably be a really tough process, and quite possibly the reason behind so much sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation seems to be a theme with Stewart this year. The night before the Oscars, Stewart posted a series of cryptic messages on her Instagram. One of them read, “I’m going to try to sleep more to prepare for this. It’s not a simple task.” Perhaps she was just trying to be funny, but it’s quite possible that she was also alluding to the fact that sleep was necessary to properly process the three awards she had just earned.

She Was Probably Drinking To Help Herself

It’s no secret that drinking is ubiquitous in Hollywood and that a lot of famous people suffer from alcoholism. Just think about it: was there a recent movie that didn’t have at least one memorable scene involving alcohol? It would be hard to name one. So it would make sense that Stewart, who has been seen on multiple occasions with a drink in hand, would be swimming in alcohol. While the actress would never explicitly confirm that she’s an alcoholic, she did hint at the issue in a recent interview. “I don’t know if I’m an alcoholic or not,” Stewart told Esquire. “I definitely drink too much alcohol. I know that my friends that are alcoholics, they can attest to that. They can also attest to the fact that I’m not very good at stopping once I’ve started. It’s really bad.”

It’s Not Easy Being Famous

Most people have at least a passing familiarity with the trials and tribulations of fame. We see it every day, whether it’s in the tabloids or on social media. But what many people don’t realize is that fame, particularly celebrity, is an incredibly isolating experience. In 2006, the American Psychiatric Association released a report stating that up to 73% of celebrities suffer from some kind of a mental illness, the most common being depression and anxiety. The stigma that comes with mental illness is huge, and it makes it incredibly difficult for many celebrities to get the help they need. In fact, many celebrities, particularly those who have been recognized for their extraordinary skills rather than their celebrity, suffer in silence, afraid that no one will believe them if they admit they’re struggling. And that, in a nutshell, is why so many famous people drink—to help themselves and to help others forget about the isolation that comes with being famous.

So it would seem that Stewart has quite a bit of experience accepting awards and partying with her friends. But that doesn’t mean that life isn’t also a struggle. With every award she wins, Stewart will most likely be forced to climb a step stool and kiss the camera. She also has a lot to deal with on a daily basis, including the stress of trying to sleep while also processing awards. While it’s easy enough to make jokes about celebrities and their famous lifestyles, it’s important to remember that it’s not easy for them either. Not every step stool has a step stool. Not every actor can pull off that Oscar host gig. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of alcohol to look this good. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time for Robin to finally get some sleep.