It’s been 15 years since Hollywood’s royal prince, Prince William, called time on his glorious reign and became the King George, or more colloquially, the “Fucking King.” Since then, the throne has been occupied by some seriously dodgy characters, most notably Michael Jackson, whose reign was plagued by allegations of child molestation. Since then, the world of celebrity monarchs has seen a bit of a renaissance and there are now a host of eligible bachelors looking to stake their claim to the throne.

  • Prince Robert Pattinson
  • Prince Harry
  • Duke of Cambridge (Prince William’s nephew)
  • Prince Andrew

Of course, none of these men are actually eligible to become king, as the monarchy is currently subject to its own distinct rules. As the Prince of Wales — Prince George’s father — would put it: “Women must never be princesses and men must never be kings.”

While we await the next instalment in the Game of Thrones series, in which the world of kings and queens finally catches up with the world of common folk, let’s take a nostalgic trip down memory lane with a quick review of some of the most infamous fuckfaces in cinematic history.

Michael Jackson

The King of Pop was a serial adulterer who fathered a brood of children with his many girlfriends. One of those girlfriends was actually a married woman named Margaux Mitchell, who was 12 years his junior. Jackson also had an affair with his friend’s wife. He was acquitted of the child molestation charges but was later found not guilty of perjury. He died in 2009 aged 50.

Jackson’s lovechild Prince Michael was born in 1986, 18 years after his death. He is head of the Jackson Family Trust, which owns and operates the Neverland Ranch in California, US. In 2018, Forbes clocked the value of the estate at $500 million, making him the fourth-richest person in the world. Forbes ranked him No. 72 on their list of the Top 100 Most Powerful Celebrities. In 2020, Michael became the King of France.

Errol Flynn

Another royal rake who worked his way to the top is the legendary swashbuckler Errol Flynn. One of the most handsome and charismatic men of his time, Flynn enjoyed a hugely successful career in Hollywood, appearing in more than 50 films, winning three Oscars and becoming one of the most popular stars of the 1930s and 1940s.

Flynn was also an early practitioner of what we now know as pick-up artistry. One of the most iconic movie scenes from 1939 tells the story of Flynn taking a shine to a woman named Betty and, against the protests of her husband, charming his way into her bedchamber. On their first meeting, Flynn famously quipped: “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Flynn and his wife, Gloria, had a tempestuous 14-year marriage that ended in divorce in 1948. He died in 1956, just two months after his 52nd birthday. His tombstone is engraved with the epitaph: “Here lies a man who loved women.”

Marilyn Monroe

The most famous of all time for her death knell was the legendary Marilyn Monroe. A sex symbol of the first order, Monroe’s career spanned six decades and she appeared in more than 30 films. Most notably, she played the part of a prostitute in the 1955 masterpiece The Prince and the Showgirl, which would later earn her an Oscar nomination.

Monroe’s public life was often as controversial as her private life. One of the reasons for her phenomenal success was that she refused to play by the rules — whether those rules were Hollywood social conventions or the sometimes constricting attitudes of the middle class. She was a trailblazer for the ladies and championed their cause, campaigning for women’s rights in the 1960s. Among her other famous quotes: “I think a girl can look sexier in a bikini than in a nightgown.”

Monroe’s first marriage was to Joe DiMaggio, who was 13 years her senior. They had a tempestuous relationship and divorced in 1954. She then married Arthur Miller, an American playwright, with whom she had a son, Mark. They divorced in 1966. Monroe died of a barbiturate overdose in 1962, at the age of 44.

Harrison Ford

The Indiana Jones star Harrison Ford loved women and married five times. He had an affair with Grace Kelly, the Princess of Monaco in 1954 and the two were married for 10 years before divorcing in 1964. In 1966, Ford was married to singer-actress Maureen McGovern for three months before they too divorced, citing irreconcilable differences. In 1969, Ford wed Deborah Harless, his third wife, with whom he had a son, Conor. The couple was wed for three years before divorcing in 1972. In 1975, Ford married his fourth wife, Teresa Wright, with whom he had a daughter, Vanessa. The marriage ended in divorce in 1980.

Ford has always been open about his extra-curricular activities and was one of the first Hollywood stars to publicly admit to being gay. He had a lengthy and highly charged romance with a fashion photographer named Clifford Radke, with whom he remained friends until Radke’s death in 2016. Radke is buried alongside Ford, who paid for his funeral.

Freddie Mercury

The most famous frontman in music history, Queen Freddie Mercury, was undoubtedly one of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll frontmen of all time. A true revolutionary, Mercury was a significant influence on the gender politics of the 1960s and ’70s. Known for his flamboyant style and onstage flirtation, Mercury was rarely seen without a companion, his black belt.

Mercury was born Farrokh Bulsara in Zanzibar in 1945 and moved to London as a child. He is perhaps most famous for his role as the romantic lead in the movie Barchester, based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell. The British-born singer is often cited as one of the greatest sex symbols of all time, and remains so even today. On stage, he would often grab the audience, pull them into the performance and engage with them. He was also a powerful performer who could draw a crowd with just a few words. An example of this is his 1972 song “Keep Yourself Alive,” in which he instructs the listener on how to stay young: “Before you know it, people will be saying ‘he’s going to drop dead’…. You’re only as young as you feel, So let yourself go a little wild, have some fun!’

After a few years performing in London, Mercury moved to Los Angeles in the mid-1960s and became disenchanted with life in the city, feeling it lacked the artistic fulfillment of a city like New York. In 1969, Mercury was diagnosed with AIDS and, later that same year, he died of its complications at the age of 32.

Mikael Stahne

The playwright, director and screenwriter Mikael Stahne is renowned for his collaborations with composer Ludwig van Beethoven. In 1933, Stahne directed and choreographed Die Bajadere, which starred Anna Pavlova and led to their celebrated, 20-year musical relationship. Die Bajadere was chosen for preservation in the UNESCO Memory of the World Register in 2019. In this year’s edition, the world-class collection of art and music is showcased in the city of Naples, Italy.

In 1939, Stahne directed a ballet entitled Die Frau im Mond (aka The Woman in the Moon), using music by Ludwig van Beethoven, for the famous German-British Ballet company. The production had a premiere at the London Coliseum in March 1939 and then toured the United Kingdom before returning to London for a season in 1945. In the late ’30s, Stahne was the choreographer and director of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, starring Birgit Nilsson, which was presented at the Cannes Film Festival in May 1939. This was followed by other critically acclaimed collaborations with Beethoven, including the 1944 film The House of Wax and the 1947 production of Die Meistersinger. Stahne also worked with German film director Leni Riefenstahl for the propaganda film Triumph des Willens (Triumph of the Will) in 1935.

When World War II broke out, Stahne joined the German army, becoming an officer in command of a field hospital. After the war, he briefly worked as a production manager for Otto Preminger before establishing himself as a freelance director.